Writing after a long hiatus... this is perhaps the last blog of this year. I am with my family after a year almost. It's been 6.5 yrs since I left home. Lazy, lavish days tucked in a cozy corner called home, in one of the most crowded cities on earth. No, I don't miss the city or even my family... I have grown up to develop my own little cocoon. May be it's similar to a survival instinct, one becomes inert to the same things that she misses the most! But come September, and I start my search for cheap air tickets, rob myself of a mini-fortune and stare longingly at the departure date almost every remaining day.
Sometimes I wonder... had I stayed forever in the same cozy corner, would I been the same person I am now? Can I stay in my city for the rest of my life?

I don't know.

There are promises to keep and dreams to realize in this same city. But the self-centered isolated person I am, it's hard!
It's hard to live in peace in a place where you are accountable for every thing you do/don't do, where any unconventional thoughts/ideologies are taken to be aberrations, where people discuss "the-lives-of-others", where you need guts to follow your heart.

It wasn't the same when I was a child. I had this idea of a perfect world. That's why I made those promises and dreamt those dreams.


May be ignorance is bliss.

Some "me" moments after a long long time... a year probably... and writing this blog was the most spontaneous thing! Not really in my most charming disposition, rather in one of those phases when one isn't sure of anything...  It's not exactly true that I had nothing to do or nowhere to go this evening... it all started because my exciting  long weekend plans never materialized, and again I was the one who chose  to stay lonely and hungry tonight, in spite of having two dinner invites (ok, not formal but more of an impromptu kind)... wish I could decode the human psychology!

Lonely moments are a mishmash of so many things...  a tingling desire to seek company, a wee bit of introspection, and the whole lot of freedom to do whatever I wish to... I guess I was missing these moments!
Those surges of restless energy can be soothed by only by lonely moments, atleast for me.

Okay, let's accept it... I am upset tonight, upset because of the usual human reasons... some expectation isn't met... it's hard because I didn't want to expect anything in the first place... nonetheless it's my fault, my fault because I don't often respect my ego!

Now introspection says I should do some quality work and not laze off time... so off to work to make the most of whatever is left of tonight!